Jon Foreman, in his song, Love Alone is Worth the Fight, writes:
“And we find what we’re made of,
Through the open door.
Is it fear you’re afraid of?
What are you waiting for?
Love alone is worth the fight.”
I have been singing this song for months, since I first heard it sung in concert in Yakima last fall. As I applied for a new job, and prayed that the door would open only if it was where God wanted me to go, I sang this song. As I interviewed on the phone, and interviewed again in person, I continued to ask God to shut the door if it wasn’t His plan, and I continued to sing.
Would the door open? Would I be given the opportunity to discover more deeply what I’m made of in Christ? What if I was accepted for the job? Would I be too afraid to say “yes,” too afraid to walk through the open door? I knew, in my heart of hearts, that I wanted the job. I wanted the change. I knew that, spiritually, I was fighting; fighting to leave the desert land of my home and the desert land of my soul. I was beat up inside, from hard things and hard times, hard memories and struggles. I knew God was with me in the desert, but I was weary and thirsty for a fresh start. I was fighting to love life again.
When the door did open, I cried and then laughed, and then felt the fear. What was I waiting for? My own perception of the right timing? My own concerns that I was not going to be able to do what the job demanded? My practical sense of all that it would take to move my family, my home, my belongings across the mountains into a new city, a new community, a new home? Really, what was I waiting for?
I just didn’t expect the Lord to open the door so soon. Or in such a place.
Five years ago, I had toured the church where my new job is. I saw an office space and said to the Lord, “Lord, someday I would like to work in a church like this and have an office like this.” I pictured my books and my desk there, and I pictured working with women and being a leader. I was in the middle of a divorce and it was time of deep brokenness. I couldn’t imagine how such a job would come about, so I just left it with the Lord.
Five years later, the door opened wide and my prayer was answered in an amazing way:
My new job is on the same floor as the office I saw on the tour; in fact, it may be the office I looked at, or the one right next to it. How crazy is that? I had forgotten about the prayer until after my in-person interview when my prayer came to mind. I was blown away. Only the Lord could have orchestrated such a serendipitous answer. There was no room for doubt.
As I ready myself for my first day of work, the last stanza of the song fills my heart with joy:
Here we are, here we go
Where the road is our own
Hear it calling you home
Here we are, here we go!
Love alone is worth the fight!